Frequently Asked Questions!

These are real questions asked by real people here at one time or another. Basically, the most interesting ( or assinine ) are chosen and covered. * Updated 06/01/2010*


:: COMMON SENSE DISCLAIMER ::

I am NOT AN ARTIST!!! Never have been, never will be, never claimed to be. In every art deviation I post on my account, due credit is given to the artist that made it. My money or request, but their work. I hate to sound like an ass ( well, not really, but you get the gist ) but requesting artwork from me, asking me about "my style", and so on is a waste of your time.



:: Gimmie this full size image or that original image from your deviations/collections! ::

Aaaaahahahahahahaha....no. For one, demanding anything from me is a bad idea unless you're a woman, and even then unless I know you, it will cost you dearly in one way or another... most likely involving topless pictures of some kind if you're over 18. Again, the artist is listed in every deviation. You want something full size? Commission them just like I did. They could use the money.


:: /   / Yuliya / your assistant is hot. Can you hook me up with her pictures/email/messenger info? ::

Offending you or not, that would be a NO. You have a better chance of running into Jimmy Hoffa than you do getting anything out of me including images or her personal information. Don't even bother asking. If that's not common sense, I dunno what is. My loyalty to my friend outweighs anything you could ever possibly do for me.


:: If you're not an artist, why is there artwork in your deviations? ::

Either I have commissioned it and received permission to post it in my deviations, or it was requested/gifted and I have permission to post it. In all 3 cases, I have the artist's permission, and I link back to them accordingly.


:: Why don't you correct everyone when they say things like "great job on this", "nice piece of work", etc? ::

I used to, but quite frankly it got really old, really fast. In all my deviations, I specifically state in the description who the artist was. It's not my job to educate every single person on DA that looks at the images but doesn't bother to read the descriptions.


:: Why don't you say thanks for watches/favorites all the time? ::

A fair question. My answer is simple. TIME. When I do thank people, I don't copy and paste the same thing over and over. If I take the time, my thanks has to be just as unique as I am. Furthermore, if I were to visit every page, every time someone favorited something of mine, I wouldn't have time for anything else like commissioning artwork, doing my own favoriting of artwork, writing journals, etc.


:: How does a non-artist give away gift art? ::

Easily. I commission it. Every part of it from start to finish is approved by the artist it's intended for as well. I have been known to write the occasional poetry piece for someone, but those are very few and very far between.


:: Dude, aren't you like old and stuff? ::

<sigh> I'll pretend that you didn't just insinuate that I am old. You're as old as you feel and as old as you act. In any case, I plan to live forever, so age doesn't matter that much to me.


:: What's the deal with all the boobs? There's more to women than boobs you know! ::

Tell me about it! The have nice rear ends, thighs, legs, lips, long hair..... Preacher, meet choir. Of course I know there is more to women than boobs, and I daresay that any woman that knows me will tell you that. I can and do talk to women about anything ( yes, anything ), and they know the difference between Mike the boob whore and Mike the friend. I have infinite respect for women despite my boob addiction, and any one of them that has dealt with me on a personal level will tell you that.


:: Why won't you post your picture? ::

Because I'm honestly boondock ugly. That's why. You'll just have to take my word for it. Besides, knowing what I look like would completely destroy the magic created with my words, and I can't allow that to happen.


:: Will you commission me? ::

That depends on several factors.

1. If I have the money.

2. If you are willing to draw what I want.

3. If I like your style.

4. If the finished piece can be posted in my deviations.

5. If I get the original piece when the commission is done in traditional mediums.

6. With the understanding that if my OCs are any part of the commission, it CANNOT be given or sold to anyone else, be used for prints of any kind, nor used for any commercial purposes without my express written permission. I hold real U.S. copyrights on my characters, and I can assure you that any unauthorized use of my characters will cost you in cash.

In all honesty, I very rarely commission someone just out of the goodness of my heart, and even more rarely just because they ask me to.


:: Will you feature me? ::

That depends on more factors than I really care to get into here. For the basics though, I have to like your work, you have to have less pageviews than I do since I prefer to promote lesser known artists, and it would help immensely if we have spoken before, but that in itself isn't a requirement. I don't ask for, nor expect any thanks, giftarts, favors, or anything else. I feature artists because I choose to, not for personal gain.


:: Will you watch me? ::

If I like your work, sure. I don't watch everyone "just because", nor do I see the point in watching people that don't even post anything.


:: Why are you such a perv/ass/sarcastic know-it-all? ::

Why is the sky blue? Simply put, I am who I am. People either accept me or they don't. I sleep the same way at night either way.


:: You're going to hell, have you found Jesus, and asst. other comments with religious overtones ::

Quite honestly, it would be in your best interests not to attempt engaging me in a theological debate. I have studied many religions over the years, and the chances are good that what I have to say will offend you. Please don't bother. You will lose.


:: Random comments about retarded people, special ed people, etc. ::

Little known fact: I have two special needs kids. As such, even offhand comments offend me easily. If you've bothered to read this far, it's safe to assume you realize I'm not kidding. PLEASE, do not kick my water dish by poking fun at these kinds of people. I will take it quite personally.


:: You're sick, twisted, whatever, and I feel sorry for your kids. ::

Nothing amuses me more than a random person assuming my kids are mistreated/abused/neglected and so on because there are drawn boobs and scantily clad women in my gallery... mostly drawn by other women mind you! Of course, nothing irritates me more than arrogant assumption, so chances are good I'll simply block you and report you for harassment.

Let me go ahead and bottom line it for those that lack common sense. I am an adult. Well over 21, and legally able to look at what I choose. That does NOT mean that I allow my children to view it, or in this case ( with the exception of my 20 YEAR OLD ADULT DAUGHTER ) even know that I have a DA account at all. Just because I like breasts doesn't mean I drag my 9 year old son to the computer to look at them, nor does it mean I have my 13 year old daughter snatch her shirt up to compare cup sizes. Gimmie a break!

If you're still not convinced, here's a newsflash for you. Adults have seen other adults naked before. And in some cases, actually have touched naked skin before! Your biological parents sure as hell did, or you wouldn't be around to read this. Shocking, isn't it? And all this time you thought a stork actually dropped you off in the front yard. Morons.


:: I don't like this, that, you, etc. ::

Ummm....so? You found me. I didn't hunt you down and force you to deal with me, much less force you to look at my deviations. If you don't like who I am or what I post, go elsewhere. It's pointless to try changing me to your viewpoint, so don't bother.


:: Do you really write poetry? ::

Yup, I really do, and have done it in real time for the occasional disbeliever. Of course, at the same time I rarely feel the need to prove anything of that nature, so hitting me up for real time pieces probably won't fly. I'm not always in the mood to write.


:: Is really your daughter? ::

* Yes, she really is my daughter.

* No, I will not put in a good word for you.

* No, I will not send you pictures of her.

* No, I will not ask her to draw you something for free

* No, I'm not kidding.